Don’t believe the hype about having sex on the beach. I’ve had sex on the beach twice. Neither time was pleasant. The first time, I was a young woman. Hot to trot. My boyfriend and I parked a mile away from the beach and snuck in. We went to a make-out spot under a bench. I got sand in my patootie right away during foreplay. He made two strokes and I was out of there. The second time, I was older. We brought a tent to spend the night legally. The moon was full, the water made a wonderful sound. The first hit, before we went in the water, all was well. Then we went swimming…sand got in the tent and in our sleeping bag. Sand was on me, on the blanket, on him, in the sleeping bag and once again in my patootie. The end.

She Was Strictly Dickly, But I Changed That…